Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Girls are window lickers!

So I was reading a great article over at Violent Acres this morning(by the way, this girl is brilliant and crazy funny, if you get the chance to go over to her site you should cause she has some very interesting things to say and she'll keep you laughing) And that got me thinking about some stuff i'm going through. Then i happened over to the hero's blog and between the two it kind of hit home on what just happened to me this last weekend so i thought i'd re-tell it here.

I met someone just after the holidays that i've been talking to. Really interesting, really funny and really nice. We've talked about everything on the phone, and I mean everything. we've talked for hours and those that know me know i don't talk on the phone(God love txt messaging), so that tells you how much we connected. Anyway, we've gotten really close, at least as close as you can over the phone. She's the first person that has actually made me forget about the utter shit fest that i went through in my last relationship with she-who-shall-not-be-named-but-wish-i-could-bludgeon.

Well, not long into our phone based relationship she told me that in being honest with each other i should know that she's "kind of seeing someone" but it's on the verge of collapse and she doesn't know if she wants to be in it anymore blah blah blah. I didn't think anything of it and said whatever, we are just friends getting to know each other right now and it's no big deal. So we continue to talk for the last month and all seems good and great and i'm getting a warm fuzzy feeling all over, and she says that she's getting the warm fuzzy feeling also and she's starting to really like me. We have the discussion about honesty and not about hurting people you care about and she says that she doesn't want to hurt the guy she's seeing or me, and i tell her that the longer she waits the worse it's going to hurt someone. People don't seem to realize that as they spend time trying to make those difficult decisions, the other people aren't sitting waiting for a decision, they continue to care for them more and more and the feelings become stronger and stronger.

So Then this past saturday i'm out with a friend and i get a call from her. I excuse myself and go outside to talk and i get a guys voice on the other end asking who i was. I talk to the guy a little bit without telling him who I am cause i don't want the fucking Mafia or some crazy git coming after me. Well it turns out that she's been in a commited relationship with this guy for the past year and a half and that they are on the verge of being engaged as they went out shopping for engagement rings the previous week. At this point i don't know if I should be pissed off, which i'm not, or just think, well, this is my karma for fucking up so much in my past relationships. That night I get the spologetic txt message saying I told her so and she'd like to talk about it. I call her the next morning and we have a conversation and she doesn't sound sorry in the least, in fact, she's so unapologetic that it's starting to piss me off. i start getting angry and maybe being a little more of a dick than i should have and started telling her that there is a ginormous difference in "Seeing someone" and being in a long term committed relationship and at what point was she going to tell me she's days away from being engaged and that we were friends and does she remember the two hour conversation we had about honesty. So she pulls this one out "You know what, i don't deserve to be treated like this". WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? We hang up and I don't talk to her for a day so we both can calm down and then i call her. She says she doesn't want to talk to me until I apologize. I ask her where my apology is and she says that she doesn't feel i should get one as she doesn't think she did anything wrong. So we hang up the phone and about 20 minutes later I get a call from the boyfriend again, now mind you, the guy is actully a really nice guy so i don't mind answering the questions he has cause i've been in the situation myself. After about 30 minutes i get a txt message from her saying "i know you just talked to him and by the way thanks for fucking me over more". I call her and ask what happened to "It's on the verge of collapse, and you don't know if you want to be in it". and she does the typical defensive maneuver, Doesn't answer the questions posed to her and just hangs up.

So it's blatantly obvious to me that i was the backup guy she had ready for when she was ready to break off the relationship. I know this because i've been in the situation and I know how shitty it feels to do this. When "Party A", Which is the main squeeze, finds out about "Party B", the new person, you treat "Party B" like complete shit out of sheer frustration for your own blatant fuck-ups that caught up with your pathetic lying ass while trying to patch it up with "Party A" while blaming "Party B" for everything that has happened. Which doesn't piss me off as much as just the fucking stupidity of lying and complete and utter lack of respect for herself and me. Fucking pathetic.

So as i start thinking about it and I actually start mentally berating myself for allowing myself to get into it and letting her break me like that. I really started feeling bad for her because i could have messed up something she has with a person that could have very well been the love of her life. I start feeling bad because i didn't see it coming and blaming myself for the shit that just happened (See the Hero's blog for this fun part of being a man). then it hits me, what a load of crap. I'm not the one to blame for any of this. This is all on her letting herself get into this situation and letting us get as far as we did. The sad part is that i really liked her and instead of being completely pissed off that she did this, i'm more hurt that she didn't come clean about it before this all went down, and now that it has gone down, that she hasn't owned up to what she did wrong and apologized for it.

I bring this up because i've been through my share of relationships and one thing has become a constant, Women will NOT take the blame for what they've done wrong. My best friend lives in Arizona and recently called to complain about her boyfriend. It came down to this, she did something amazingly stupid, but wouldn't apologize for it and expected her guy to just let it go and forgive her and he wouldn't. I asked her if she would expect him to apologize for the same thing and she said yes, but she said there was no way she was going to concede being wrong and making herself look like the guilty party in this situation. I told her she was a fucking retard and she was the guilty party in this situation and she needed to pull her head out of her ass. She did something wrong and it requires her to suck it up and admit to being wrong and say sorry. But she was too prideful to do that. I don't know what it is, but lately i've met so many women that would take a broken relationship over swallowing their pride and doing what is the right thing. Now, I have to admit i'm no great person. I've done my fair share of being an idiot and allowing my pride to get in the way and completely fucking something up so bad it would make one's head spin. But i'd like to think i'm an older more mature idiot. I've been told i do have the ability to be brutally honest to the point to tears. I'm not fond of it, but i don't see any point at all in lying to someone. You never gain anything at all from it. More importantly, as much as I am a BAMF(Bad Ass Mo FO) i do have the ability to know when i've said/done something wrong and say "you know what, you're right, i shouldn't have done/said that. I'm really sorry" and I have the ability to forgive, i've always been told, picture yourself in their place. In fact, the girl in this story called me and at one point i apologized for being a dick to her, she still didn't apologize. I understand that we are just humans and fucking up happens, but for christ's sake, admit to when you've done wrong. Smile, say i'm sorry, and get back to being happy. Like if too short to be an asshole.