Monday, July 09, 2007

Be Happy Dammit!

So I figured it's time for a new post. It's been a while and work had been clogging me down and now it's eased up a little bit. plus i didn't really have much to say, I mean, I did, just didn't have the urge to expand on what i wanted to write about. But now i feel the need to write.

So i spent the weekend hanging out with my cousin Steve as he was visiting from Kansas with his wife and kids. I love the guy, but holy crap what a freakin redneck. so we were out in San Bernardino doing some things and decided to go get something to eat. We were sitting muching down on a kick ass Chicken pot pie(They freakin rock) and i see one of the girls i used to be really good friends with that worked at the M. We got to talking a little bit and she asks about my personal life and how my relationship is going(i knew the one she was talking about). I told her that I have ZERO personal life and haven't for about a year. She goes into the whole schpeal about how great a person I am and how cute and blah blah blah and i knew what was coming next. She throws it out there, "I have someone who would be perfect for you", and i just kind of stared blankly back.

Now, most of the time i have no problem going out on dates with someone who knows someone. I don't have that whole, panic attack, can't breathe, can't talk, clammy hand syndrome that some people have when going out with someone new. I actually like it. I mean, it's not as great as having someone that already knows you and can finish your sentences for you, but it's fun sometimes. Most people worry about it not working out and not being able to impress someone because they say something wrong or they don't like all the same stuff. I don't go into those with that attitude, i go into it like i'm having lunch/dinner/drinks with a friend that i haven't seen in a long time. I just go to have fun, if it works out that's great, if not, then i've just gained a new friend.

Anyway, I digress, that's not the point of this. After i got over my deer in headlights look, i politely declined it and thanked her profusely for it but said that i was enjoying just being alone right now. She gave me a look like I was insane, but it's true. I think that in the world we live in that it's a social fo paugh not to have a significant other. I think that's bullshit. Maybe if more people would just be happy with the people that they are alone, they can be happier with the people they're with. I've spent a lot of time in and out of relationships, and in either of the cirsumstances, i made it a point first and foremost to just be happy. This last bout of relationship hell, actually it wasn't the relationship that was bad, it is the getting past it that is pure hell. I know that i'm not past it yet and it will probably take me quite a long time to get to that point where i can say, "i'm done". It has taken it's toll on me, mind, body and soul and though i'm not in the place in my life that i'd really like to be, i am happy, This i can say.

Let me see, what songs have i been listening to....I know, this one is great and it kind of fits. Glad to be back, Enjoy.


James Carrington
Ache

Isn't it strange the way things can change
The life that you lead turned on its head
Suddenly someone means more than you felt before
Her house and its yard turns into home

I'm sorry but I meant to say
many things along the way
so this ones for you

Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache for you?

Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache/and I hope its not too late
Have I told you I ache/Can I hold you and ache for you?

The time that it took writing words for my book
seems to have broken in half
The gate that i shut last time i got hurt
seems to have opened itself

Oh the world its spinning now its trying to catch me up
and tell me to appreciate the here and now

I'm sorry but i meant to say
many things along the way
so this ones for you

Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache for you?

Have I told you I ache
Have I told you I ache/and I hope its not too late
Have I told you I ache/Can I hold you and ache for you?

13 Comments:

Blogger the mama said...

how do you type about things that are in my head??? do you have esp or something??

I don't think a few months ago I could not have said that I did NOT want to be in a relationship. I have spent most of my adult life in relationships and a few weeks ago I realized that this was the longest amount of time that I had NOT been in a relationship or out searching for one. It was when my sister pulled the "I have someone for you to meet" crap (5/30 post) that I decided it was OK not to be in a relationship. Though I bitch about being alone it took her getting mad when I said no to her (because I have no business going to bars and when someone says they know someone I shouldn't turn my nose up) to realize what you are talking about.

What I really want is to just have some fun and enjoy myself. I figure love will find me when the time is right.

In my many months of therapy I was told that it takes a year or two to recover from something like what happened to us both (though circumstances were different the pain and letting go was the same). The way I see it we are half way there...

You always pick the most beautiful songs... I already downloaded it. thanks.

A smile :-)

I did miss your posts.

Monday, July 09, 2007 9:16:00 PM  
Blogger birdman said...

your f'in gay!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007 3:14:00 PM  
Blogger birdman said...

sorry - could not resist!!!

Where the hell do you find the people singing these songs?? same with MAMA? what gay radio station are you listining to?

Tuesday, July 10, 2007 3:16:00 PM  
Blogger birdman said...

damn I'm gay (a little) song is not bad.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007 9:04:00 PM  
Blogger the mama said...

no birdman - you are totally gay!!
:-)

Tuesday, July 10, 2007 11:18:00 PM  
Blogger AvMan said...

The song is freakin great and you know it birdman. it's ok to admit it. Glad you liked the post mama.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007 9:24:00 AM  
Blogger imaaudioslave said...

Loser

Wednesday, July 11, 2007 11:42:00 AM  
Blogger *Your Mom* said...

Good for you!!!! I always tell people when they break up from a relationship to have some "ME TIME". Don't jump into another relationship right away if you are not ready. Find yourself, find your happiness and when you DO meet someone it will be ALL GOOD.


PS. Birdman is TOTALLY GAY!

Friday, July 13, 2007 3:55:00 PM  
Blogger the mama said...

i just noticed you changed your quote... seriously that is one of my favorites! Good choice.

Sunday, July 15, 2007 9:30:00 PM  
Blogger the mama said...

still happy???

:-)

Thursday, July 26, 2007 12:30:00 PM  
Blogger The Wrider said...

Post something!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007 9:44:00 AM  
Blogger The Wrider said...

OK, so.. what? You never going to post again? You're just dropping off the face of the blogspot never to be seen or heard from? Great. Way to ruin my Friday.

Friday, August 24, 2007 8:03:00 AM  
Blogger the mama said...

I would have to agree with the wrider on this one!! why don't you make the ladies smile and post a little something for us???

Friday, August 24, 2007 10:04:00 AM  

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