Friday, July 18, 2008

and yet the opening of another new chapter.

Yes, it's been a while since I've updated, but I just haven't been ready to do it as my next update would be a pretty hard topic to discuss.

Well, i figure there's no better time than now. I suppose it'll never get any easier. by the way, this will be a long post.

I met Eddie Sedillo, my best friend, in 1986. He was a dorky kid with thick glasses who was just trying to save his girlfriends honor, and didn't realize what he was getting in to. It seems that my little sister, a nightmare in her own right with a really bad reputation, and Ed's girlfriend Shereen were having a spat and the rumor was that my lil sis was going to turn her face in to road kill. Ed, feeling that he should step up and save his girlfriends butt, decided to confront me instead. After I laughed in his face for approximately 30 seconds he decided to throw a punch, a seriously telegraphed punch on top of that. I caught his fist in my hand and asked him if he really wanted to do this? he said no and walked off. He avoided me completely for about a week, then one day he came over to my table at lunch and apologized. This started a friendship that lasted 22 years.

We were inseparable for the next 3 years of school, even though there were 3 other guys in our close group, Ed and I could always be found together. All the trouble one of us got in, the other was there to take the blame also so that the other didn't have to do it alone. During the one fight that Ed go into I was there to back him up and make sure that no one else jumped in. While growing up, I lived in a renovated dis-connected garage, My Grandmother always knew that Eddie would be there. on Friday and Saturday mornings. What she didn't know is that we were hung over like a mo-fo and we couldn't sneak in or out of his house with any ease, it was just more simple to go to my place to crash.

In our junior year of high school, I started a band with one of my good friends and Ed got in with a different crowd, a crown that i didn't want to be a part of and we kind of went our separate ways off and on over the course of the next year. Ed got heavy into drugs and alcohol to the point that he started missing school and getting in serious trouble with the law. He received a DUI one evening and was so drunk that he resisted arrest and was firmly beaten. We had a kind of intervention and was able to get him back enough to finish high school and graduate successfully.

Ed and I maintained a great friendship through a marriage(mine), a child(his), the death of his mother and numerous, numerous alcoholic binges (both of ours). Though we didn't talk as much, the friendship was always there and we knew that we could always count on each other to be there if needed. Not long after I had divorced, Ed and I decided to be roommates and get an apt in Corona. Needless to say, it did not go well, I hadn't realized how bad Ed's drinking had become and it was starting to wear thin. The death of his mother took the biggest toll on Ed and his drinking. Everywhere Ed went i had to go also so that i could make sure that nothing happened to him. His drinking took all his senses and through them out the window. Had i not been there, who knows if Ed would have made it home most of those night. The Culmination of Ed's drinking and my anger came to a head in 1998 when I found out that he had slept with my girlfriend after she came home from a party drunk and i was out of town. it was the weekend we were starting to move out. I advised him to get his stuff and be gone before i get back or things would be getting worse for him. When i got home, he was there with his father. he took me out on the patio to try and talk but i wasn't interested in that at all, I hit him in the stomach breaking 3 of his ribs and threw him off the second story balcony. We didn't talk for 5 years.

I showed up at Ed's house Christmas eve 2003 at the urging of some very dear friends. it was like old times. It was good to see someone i had spent so much of my life with. Ed was married to a girl that he had known when we were friends before. Though i was glad to be back in touch with him, I knew that he wasn't the person i had became friends with so many years ago. There was always a sadness in him when it was just him and I. I knew that this was because of the empty spot left from his mothers death, and there was nothing anyone could say or do to fill that void. Ed and his wife divorced a year after we started talking again and his alcoholism got worse. We remained friends, but spending time with someone who was so drunk he couldn't stand wasn't on my list of prized activities.

In January of this year, Ed asked if I'd move in to his house with him to share the bills and try and help fix the house up to sell, Hoping i could help my friend out, I reluctantly agreed. I had my doubts about the arrangement, but he agreed that he would cut down on the alcohol and any other illegal "medicinal" activities. Well, i found out how truthful the word of an alcoholic is the first week we were in the house, which i should have known growing up with an alcoholic mother and father, But i had kept my hopes high. The first weekend we were in the house Ed and I got in to a major scuffle and didn't talk for a few days to cool off. He stayed in his room almost 24 hours throughout the whole ordeal. When he finally came out and we talked he said that all he did in his room was talk himself in to hanging himself. I went off on him and told him that he had a 13 year old son to worry about, and that suicide is a chicken shit way out, but i could tell he wasn't listening. It seemed that things were going well for a while and he seemed to be looking forward to several things, which Ed never did. I was hopeful that he had got his wits about him and was ready to move forward with life.

On Wednesday April 23rd, My girlfriend and I were watching the Lakers play the Nuggets in game two of the NBA playoffs. During the first quarter I had gone out to get more to drink and saw Ed talking on his phone. At halftime I went out to go workout and found that the Extension cord was missing. I went and knocked on Ed's door, there was no answer so i knocked again, nothing. I walked around to the sliding glass door to see if he was in the backyard with the dog's. It was dark but i could faintly make him out, It wasn't until a second later that i managed the full sight and recognized the cord and that he had indeed hung himself from the back patio cover. From that point everything was a blur and seemed to slow down. I ran inside and grabbed my phone and a knife. I yelled at my girlfriend to go out and wait for the police as I was on the phone with the 911 operator, I ran in the back yard was cutting him down when i heard the sirens. in the next instance the police, ambulance and fire dept were there attempting to revive him. He was transported to Corona regional hospital and was put on life support where he stayed for a week. I lived at the hospital along with Ed's family while waiting to see if there would be any change. There were few that had any hope, he had zero brain function, and his kidneys and liver were failing him. His father, along with many in the family, came to a very very tough decision, a decision that no doubt, would affect me the rest of my life.

The machines were turned off and Edward Cabanzon Sedillo, 35 years old, ceased to live on April 30th 2008 at 3:42pm.

He is missed.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Come take a gander.

Hey folks. Just wanted to give a what's up and tell you about my new website.

it's just going to be a mish mash of stuff I find on the web. Some funny, some interesting, some will make you just think WTF!!!! I hope that you guys(and gals) will take the time out during the day and check it out. i'll be updating it daily with stuff i find. If you find something that you think would be of interest to me, let me know and i'll look it over, if i use it, i'll make sure to give you your due props.

i will not be getting rid of this site and will start updating it again regularly very soon. Unfortunately so much has happened in my life lately that it has made me hesitant to write updates until i've had it all cleared up in my head.

Talk soon

Thursday, May 01, 2008

This is not goodbye.....

Edward Cabanzon Sedillo
1973 - 2008

Please know that you are missed immensely brother.

Wherever you are, i hope and pray that you have found the peace that you were searching for, and a way to defeat the demons that haunted you.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

There's no better way to explain it.

I saw this today at this website and had to repost it.

Why guys don't want to be friends with a girl who breaks up with them...

I know a girl who broke up with a guy and she told him she wanted to "still be friends." He said, "No thanks." She wondered why he couldn't fall back to being just friends after they had a romantic relationship. I came up with the "McDonalds Analogy" to try and explain it in a simple way that would help all women understand this tough question.

Imagine if you went to McDonalds a lot and ordered a Big Mac Combo meal. A Big Mac, Large Fries and a Coke. You really like this meal. One day, you pull up to the drivethrough and order the Big Mac Combo meal and the girl tells you, "I'm sorry - you can have the Big Mac and the Coke, but you can't get fries with that anymore." You think about this for a moment, and sure - the Big Mac is the centerpiece of the meal, but McDonalds has some really good fries and you like their fries with your meal. So you say, "I've been able to get fries with that before, why can't I have fries with my Big Mac combo anymore?" The girls says, "Well, I just think it is better if you only have the Big Mac and the Coke from here on out."

At this point, a lot of guys are going to go to Wendy's or BK and see if they can get fries with their combo at that drivethrough window. But there are some guys who REALLY like McDonalds Big Macs and they might think, "If I keep coming here and ordering the Big Mac and Coke, maybe she'll change her mind and give me some fries with that later." So they will keep on getting the combo without the fries until the deal breaker happens: One day that guy is going to order the Big Mac and Coke and then he's going to pull up a little bit to pay, and someone else is going to pull up to the drivethrough speaker and order the "Big Mac Combo" and he is going to hear the girl say, "Would you like fries with that?"

That's why guys don't like to be friends with a girl who breaks up with them.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Just the facts

The following exchange is real. the names have been changed to protect the dolts.

Me: Want to stop by starbucks and get something to drink?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Have you tried the Pumpkin Spice Latte? It's the best thing since cheese popcorn.

Friend: No, i'll give it a try.

After being served and we're in my truck driving away.

Me: What do you think, kicks serious ass huh?

Friend: Umm, it's okay, just tastes like a regular latte, but with a pumpkin spice flavor.

Me: hahaha, yeah?.......wait, are you fuckin with me right now???

Friend: No.

Me: Do you suppose that's why they call it a "PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE".

Friend: Oh.

Monday, October 15, 2007

It’s not personal

I don’t know what made me start thinking of this, but it’s something that bothers the crap out of me a something that I have fist hand experience with so I’m going to write about it. I had met someone at one point in my life right after a big breakup. This girl was great in so many areas. She was good looking, great attitude, smart and she had the best sense of humor. We started out slow( I made sure of that ) and eventually started getting more and more involved. In fact it was becoming a little more involved than I wanted it to be. We were to the point where she was basically at my place 4 or 5 nights out of the week from the time I got home until I left for work the next morning. Well, I wasn’t yet to the point that I was ready for that. So one day while talking I brought it up. Now, I wasn’t rude or uncaring in my remarks. I told her that I cared for her and thought that we had something great that could possibly go much further, but that I wasn’t ready after only a month to basically have someone living with me and that I was still coming down from my previous relationship. Ok, that was it in so many words nothing more. Remember this. She said that she understood and the next morning when she left she took her stuff with her (Yes, she had already brought stuff over ).

*This is the part of the story where crazy music should start playing so that you know the plotline of the story starts evolving toward that bad*

As I said, she had left that next morning. That morning before she left I asked her when she’d be over. We had plans to go out with some friends of mine that night that we had planned weeks before. She said “I’ll try and call you in a couple of days so you can have some time to think”. I told her that I didn’t need to think and that we had plans that night. She said that "I told her that I needed space and time to think about what I want". I told her that I never said that and that I told her what I wanted the night before. She says “But you told me last night that you didn’t want to see me for a while”. Again I told her that I never said that, that I just didn’t want to have someone spending the night all the time.

*Cue music getting heavier and faster*

She says “Exactly, you don’t want to see me. I said no, and that I do want to see her, just not every single night of the week. Then she throws out the best line ever “So I’ll come over when YOU want to see me on YOUR terms”. I said no not really, if there is a day that you want to see me just let me know, I just don’t want it to be every night. She says "yeah right, that will never happen, you just want me around to be your sex toy". I said now your just being irrational and taking this way out of context. At that point she says, and I’m serious “that’s exactly what you said last night”. I know women hate it, but I just started laughing...out her face. She told me to Fuck off and I made it a point to never talk to her again.

*Cue sad sad music*

I never wanted us to end, that was never my intent. I just was not ready to have a live in girlfriend. But she couldn’t handle that and took it as a direct attack on her. It wasn’t. had she just said, ohh, ok, that’s fine, maybe we can talk about it again in a month or you let me know when your ready, who knows where we would have been now.

People take shit way too personally. I’m dead serious. Friends, family, significant others, it doesn’t matter. People get way to hurt by the things people say sometimes because it isn’t exactly what they wanted to hear. Now, that’s not to say that sometimes people can go to far and say stuff that’s just intentionally meant to be mean. Those people are usually the same people that get the hurt the most by sarcasm or criticism. Those that know me know that I hardly ever hold anything back, and I don’t expect people to hold back anything when they talk to me. I think that’s part of the reason we as a society have so many whiny assholes(men and women) who can’t handle a little sarcasm or some much needed criticism and sue that crap out of radio stations, tv, schools, businesses, etc or worse, go off and bomb someplace or take a gun into school or work. If you can’t take it, do us all a favor and go gag on the end of a barrel you knobs.

Glen Hansard - Leave

I can't wait forever is all that you said
Before you stood up
And you won't disappoint me
I can do that myself
But I'm glad that you've come
Now if you don't mind

Leave, leave,
And free yourself at the same time
Leave, leave,
I don't understand, you've already gone

And I hope you feel better
Now that it's out
What took you so long
And the truth has a habit
Of falling out of your mouth
But now that it's come
If you don't mind

Leave, leave,
And please yourself at the same time
Leave, leave,
Let go of my hand
You said what you have to now
Leave, leave,
Let go of my hand
You said what you came to now
Leave, leave,
Leave, leave,
Let go of my hand
You said what you have to now
Leave, leave,

Friday, August 24, 2007

F the Hypocrits!

So i was out having dinner with a friend tonight that I hadn't seen in a while. Me and this girl usually have the the greatest of conversations, whether it be serious with some humor thrown in(you all know me) or just laughing the whole time. We usually end up parting ways well into the early morning(No birdman, not like that) as we lose track of time. Well, it's currently 7:48 PM on Friday night if that tell you anything. From the moment we met up at the restaurant it was nothing but a bitch fest. Don't get me wrong, i think that is part of being a friend, in fact i believe that it's part of a contract you sign when you move from being just an acquaintance to actually being a friend. Anyway, this was well beyond that, she was complaining about men, and blah blah blah blah blah. Since the last time we had seen each other she had gone out with a few men. She said that the last gent she dated and split up with had basically said that he didn't find her attractive to him. So i looked her straight in the eyes and told her, "men are assholes". plain and simple, you need to move on and find someone that does find you attractive. Well, it didn't end there, she went on and on and on about how men are shallow, and narrow minded, and how all they wanted are the skinny little model girls that would act like a pornstar. That guys never take the time to really get to know a girl's personality and that the outside is all that matters. Seriously, this tirade of bullshit went on literally for about 15 minutes. Holy crap I wanted to stick a freak spork in my eye. After she had calmed down a little bit, her breathing went back to normal and we were able to start a normal conversation, we got on the subject of a guy that she had just met at a bar and had gone out on a couple of dates with. She said he was nice, treated her well and doted on her. That's when the bells went off. So i said it, "But?". She said to my complete and utter astonishment, He's doesn't quite have a full head of hair and he's kind of short. I asker her how his personality was. She said it was ok but she hadn't got to know him well enough.

You have got to be kidding me. Holy crap i went off. I asked her how she had the nuts to complain about men being shallow and heartless and she turns around and does the EXACT same thing. She said that "it's different" and she's not that way and I should know that. I asked her how it's different, she said that it's different because she doesn't know if she can be attracted to him or not. I said isn't that the exact fucking thing that you complained about? Well, that was about it. She got up and walked out in the middle of dinner.

look, the fact is, there are those that won't be attracted to you and some that will. it's nature. I have had girls that i liked that weren't attracted to me and I've been with girls that liked me that i wasn't attracted too. it's nature, and there's no changing it. People nowadays have a tendency to take these things to personally. it's not that there's anything wrong with you, it's just that you aren't a fit for that person. We all have someone that is the missing piece to the puzzle, sometimes it just takes a while to root around through all the wrong pieces to find that one.

Song of the post:

"Follow the leader" by Matthew Ryan