Monday, October 15, 2007

It’s not personal

I don’t know what made me start thinking of this, but it’s something that bothers the crap out of me a something that I have fist hand experience with so I’m going to write about it. I had met someone at one point in my life right after a big breakup. This girl was great in so many areas. She was good looking, great attitude, smart and she had the best sense of humor. We started out slow( I made sure of that ) and eventually started getting more and more involved. In fact it was becoming a little more involved than I wanted it to be. We were to the point where she was basically at my place 4 or 5 nights out of the week from the time I got home until I left for work the next morning. Well, I wasn’t yet to the point that I was ready for that. So one day while talking I brought it up. Now, I wasn’t rude or uncaring in my remarks. I told her that I cared for her and thought that we had something great that could possibly go much further, but that I wasn’t ready after only a month to basically have someone living with me and that I was still coming down from my previous relationship. Ok, that was it in so many words nothing more. Remember this. She said that she understood and the next morning when she left she took her stuff with her (Yes, she had already brought stuff over ).

*This is the part of the story where crazy music should start playing so that you know the plotline of the story starts evolving toward that bad*

As I said, she had left that next morning. That morning before she left I asked her when she’d be over. We had plans to go out with some friends of mine that night that we had planned weeks before. She said “I’ll try and call you in a couple of days so you can have some time to think”. I told her that I didn’t need to think and that we had plans that night. She said that "I told her that I needed space and time to think about what I want". I told her that I never said that and that I told her what I wanted the night before. She says “But you told me last night that you didn’t want to see me for a while”. Again I told her that I never said that, that I just didn’t want to have someone spending the night all the time.

*Cue music getting heavier and faster*

She says “Exactly, you don’t want to see me. I said no, and that I do want to see her, just not every single night of the week. Then she throws out the best line ever “So I’ll come over when YOU want to see me on YOUR terms”. I said no not really, if there is a day that you want to see me just let me know, I just don’t want it to be every night. She says "yeah right, that will never happen, you just want me around to be your sex toy". I said now your just being irrational and taking this way out of context. At that point she says, and I’m serious “that’s exactly what you said last night”. I know women hate it, but I just started laughing...out her face. She told me to Fuck off and I made it a point to never talk to her again.

*Cue sad sad music*

I never wanted us to end, that was never my intent. I just was not ready to have a live in girlfriend. But she couldn’t handle that and took it as a direct attack on her. It wasn’t. had she just said, ohh, ok, that’s fine, maybe we can talk about it again in a month or you let me know when your ready, who knows where we would have been now.

People take shit way too personally. I’m dead serious. Friends, family, significant others, it doesn’t matter. People get way to hurt by the things people say sometimes because it isn’t exactly what they wanted to hear. Now, that’s not to say that sometimes people can go to far and say stuff that’s just intentionally meant to be mean. Those people are usually the same people that get the hurt the most by sarcasm or criticism. Those that know me know that I hardly ever hold anything back, and I don’t expect people to hold back anything when they talk to me. I think that’s part of the reason we as a society have so many whiny assholes(men and women) who can’t handle a little sarcasm or some much needed criticism and sue that crap out of radio stations, tv, schools, businesses, etc or worse, go off and bomb someplace or take a gun into school or work. If you can’t take it, do us all a favor and go gag on the end of a barrel you knobs.

Glen Hansard - Leave

I can't wait forever is all that you said
Before you stood up
And you won't disappoint me
I can do that myself
But I'm glad that you've come
Now if you don't mind

Leave, leave,
And free yourself at the same time
Leave, leave,
I don't understand, you've already gone

And I hope you feel better
Now that it's out
What took you so long
And the truth has a habit
Of falling out of your mouth
But now that it's come
If you don't mind

Leave, leave,
And please yourself at the same time
Leave, leave,
Let go of my hand
You said what you have to now
Leave, leave,
Let go of my hand
You said what you came to now
Leave, leave,
Leave, leave,
Let go of my hand
You said what you have to now
Leave, leave,


Blogger the mama said...

where do you find these women??? As a woman, sometimes we hear things that aren't really said or we try and analyze what you(men)are saying as we try an process what has happened. Sometimes we hear exactly what you say - sometime we hear what we want you to say or what we really think you are saying. We are a F_cked up species, I know.

that is an AWESOME song -it is that guy from Once, right??

We need to go see that movie...

Monday, October 15, 2007 9:12:00 PM  
Blogger pzinker said...

What I don't get is why is it seemingly harder and harder to find someone who could go along on the same pace as you?

yes I agree, we women are pretty hard to understand.. :P

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 8:42:00 AM  
Blogger birdman said...

the problem is women think men always have an hidden agenda or meaning - because they do and we don't.

She obviously did not know you as well as she thought cause if she did she would have got you exactly - let's slow it down - we can see each other - but we dont have to spend the night - every night.

oh well, cleo, indian and canadian are all waiting for you!!!!!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 7:54:00 PM  
Blogger The Wrider said...

I have to agree with Birdman on this one. I think women do have a hidden agenda most of the time and therefore think men do as well. I think we over analyze the crap out of everything - especially relationships. I know I tend to base my security and happiness in the future by measuring what is or isn't happening at the moment. If you don't want to be with me right now, I'm certain it means you don't want to be with me in the future. That's just me. What's sad is that like Birdman says, it really means she didn't know you very well at all or trust you enough to try. She should have appreciated the fact you were so open with her and backed off just enough to allow you time to miss her. Maybe that's something you learn with age? Glad to see you posting again. I have missed your posts and comments!

Thursday, October 18, 2007 8:43:00 AM  

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